edible adventures from the centre of the universe

13 April 2007

Recipe for Disaster: Anchovy Steak

Is a giant steak not good enough for you? Why not sweeten the deal with a crapload of anchovies and green olives with pimentos? And serve it with cold, soggy, congealed KFC fries? And maimed tomatoes? Isn't that better?

This disagreeable platter was barfed up by the 1972 Family Circle MEAT Cookbook, which also includes sections on "Meal-Time Easy Franks" and "Ever-Popular Ground Beef." Sadly, there are no sections on "Problematic Poultry" or "Disliked Luncheon Meats."

The Family Circle gang calls this a "colorful" meal, but I'm leaning more in the direction of "disturbing" and "stop staring at me, steak." But what the hell, right? At least you can get a good game of tic-tac-toe in before your stomach starts screaming so loudly that you have to take it out back and put it out of its misery.

Anchovy Steak
1 blade-bone chuck beefsteak (2.5 lbs)
instant meat tenderizer
2 tbsp all-purpose flour
vegetable oil
1 can anchovy fillets, drained
sliced pimento-stuffed olives

1. Trim excess fat from steak. Moisten meat and sprinkle with meat tenderizer. Place on rack in a broiler pan.
2. Sprinkle top of steak with 1 tbsp flour, and brush with oil. Broil 3-4 inches from the heat 3-4 minutes for rare, 5-6 minutes for medium. Turn and sprinkle remaining flour over top. Brush with oil.
3. Continue broiling 2-3 minutes for rare, or 3-4 minutes for medium. Remove from broiler and arrange anchovies and olives on top of the steak as pictured. Brush all with oil and broil for an additional 2-3 minutes or until steak is done as you like it. Place on a platter and serve with fries and "tomato roses" (a.k.a. tomatoes cut into 8 wedges to within 1/4 inch of the bottom, with the skin peeled back from the points at the top).

Serves 4, sadly

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4 Comments:

Blogger Dave said...

"Stop staring at me, steak."

HA HA HA HA.

I imagine those awkwardly-placed olive slices flying everywhere while trying to cut through that idiotically large slab of cow flesh.

7:19 PM

 
Blogger Cathy said...

Come on dude, give a steak a chance. Maybe the sharp bite of the anchovies is the perfect complement to the enormous amount of meat you're designed to eat. Or maybe not.

10:02 PM

 
Blogger French Panic said...

Ewwww.

1:45 PM

 
Anonymous ChovyChap said...

He he! The sooner everyone learns that anchovies go with ALL meats - the better off you'll feel...

3:36 AM

 

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